Song of Solomon 2:17

(New King James Version)

(To Her Beloved)

17 Until the day breaks
And the shadows flee away,
Turn, my beloved,
And be like a gazelle
Or a young stag
Upon the mountains of Bether.

When darkness sets in on our lives, it can be a daunting experience. For some, it can lead to complete destruction. For a few, it leads to great victory.

Bether is translated to mean “separation”. And, I have found that there are many, many couples who run along the mountains of Bether. The spirits of separation and divorce want to rule this country. Families are torn apart. The mountains are real, and they are high.

Many couples are experiencing the shadows. They see the darkness all around their marriages. They feel the walls coming in on them. Often times, it feels that simply walking away is the best way out.

But, we have a promise. The day shall break.

“Until”. We are told “until”. There is hope, and there is promise. There would be no “until” if there weren’t a promised victory. So, when those walls come crashing in, we have the ability to cast our mountains into the sea.

It seems rather trivial that we are to simply be like a gazelle or young stag, but have you ever seen one bouncing around? There is life in them. There is intensity and purpose. There is no defeat. They trample the mountains under foot. The mountain is the footing from which they leap and live. Surely, we can muster up the same, as children of God, and live life until the day breaks.

Laura and I were separated for eighteen months. By the time it was all over, I had been away from my family for twenty-three months. But, the LORD said to me, “I will heal your marriage, but it will get darker before it gets light”.

Thank God that I didn’t understand what He was saying. Grace can mean not knowing what it will take to bring about victory. Otherwise, we might retreat.  And, when you move your wife and kids out of your home and set out on a journey of solitude, it really is daunting. There really is a mountain to speak to.
But, God said. And, when He speaks, there is a grace released for His word to be performed.

The question is whether any of us has the faith in Him to perform His word. And, do we have the patience to let Him do His work. Two years of living in the basements of relatives is darkness indeed. There was much that I missed out on as my children continued to grow up. They don’t get put on hold while the LORD cleans up the mess.

Bether is no place to be for long.

What I discovered, aside from trusting God, are these keys to victory:

1)    prayer and fasting
2)    humility
3)    deep fellowship with the LORD
4)    prayer
5)    prayer
6)    fellowship with the LORD
7)    humility

I applaud the body of Christ and know well that it is critical to a believer. But, I also learned that my success stemmed more on God’s grace to perform His word than it did on a twelve-step program. It took my will to ask for Him to heal us. It took humility to live on my knees and let Him do as He wished. It was brutally hard at times, and many tears were shed. In the end, grace was released in increasing measure as I sought out the LORD and interceded for victory. He really did all the work – in me and in Laura. It was all Him. And, He needed to get down into the roots of what needed to be changed in order to bring lasting success. He knew the issues and the order in which to deal with each of them.

A life lived on the knees will produce more victory than one lived up high where the enemy can see you more readily.

So, I strongly suggest surrounding yourself with Christians walking closely with the LORD. Seek their counsel and listen carefully to what God might say through them. It is quite likely that He will lead you to ministries that have experience dealing with the various stuff that needs dealing with in your lives – addictions, sexual immorality, abuse, broken childhoods, etc. It’s quite amazing.

I am not sure whether we would have had victory if we hadn’t lived a life of prayer – for ourselves and each other. And, there was an army of people praying for us daily. Prayer is the weapon. The enemy has nothing to defeat prayer. Nothing at all.

Another common issue that I run across is the overwhelming desire to see your spouse changed. Often, people are so ready to point out all the faults in their spouses. And, if they would simply change, the marriage would be great.

I say, take the plank out of your own eye. Repent. The devil wants you to see all the stuff in the other person’s eye. If you focus on them, you miss out on getting healing where you have an actual vote – yourself. Only you can submit to the LORD’s leading for you. If you say yes to Him, He will heal you. He hates divorce. Let Him take you where He leads. Say yes. Say amen. It is hard, but if you trust God to deal with your spouse, He will. He is perfectly capable of handling them. Just pray for them and humble yourself around them. Take the low road, and you will see amazing things unfold before your eyes.

The LORD will bring many, many small victories along the way. There may be a single, miracle event somewhere in it all. For us, Jesus showed up in our bedroom the last night of our visit to Bether and remarried us. He did it Himself. But, there were many small victories along the way that brought hope when times came that seemed hopeless. He gives you just enough grace to keep going.

Healing can come. Many of you are saying, yea, but I don’t want to be healed. And, I don’t want him/her. Perhaps you feel that way. But, God wants freedom for all captives, even captives to much pain. He knows that you are hurt. Like I said, I shed a ton of tears. The pain is real. But, Jesus took our pains. If you allow Him, He will bring forth a story that will glorify Himself in a mighty way. And, in the process, you will get more than you could have ever imagined. The desires of your heart go deeper than you think. Yes, God searches the heart. And, He also has some really cool secrets written on your hearts that will blow you away as they come to be.

If you cant do it for your spouse, do it for the LORD. You have been living in hell for a while now. Back away from your situation. Tell the LORD that you will give him 90 days to make a change and stay in the game. Make a commitment to prayer, fasting, humility and deeply seeking Him out. Listen to what He tells you and obey His prompting for surrender. Leave your spouse alone. If you have anything to say, bless them. Do not defend. Let the LORD be your advocate. He can defend you better than you can. Connect with those that He brings to you. Listen closely to what they say. And pray. Pray like you never prayed before. When your spouse comes to mind, pray. Pray, pray, pray. Find others to pray for you. Keep praying.

And, the LORD will tell a story through your lives.

Because His name is redeemer. And, He loves you – more than you know.

Trust God.

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Check out Mourning Dove Ministries for assistance with your marital mountain.

www.mourning-dove.org

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